just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
