It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
