I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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