you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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