you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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