If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
