Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
