It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
