I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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