Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
