Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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