is wine microwaveable?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
