Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
