You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she woke up with a sticky ear
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
