if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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