Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
