What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
