Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
