Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Liz is crying about burritos again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
