Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
