do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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