I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
