my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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