Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize