I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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