Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
