you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize