the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
