I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do herpes really smell.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize