You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
