Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize