So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
