And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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