Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
