I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
