last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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