So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
