Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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