The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
