D3 body, D1 cock
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
