If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
