i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
