I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
