Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
