For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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