Can i not drive my cunt home
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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