Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
