What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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