I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
