i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
