He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
