sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize