Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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