The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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