Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
FUCK WHALES
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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