Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
