i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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