yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
