So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
