Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
