you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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