And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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