Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
