shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
