Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
