of course. lets lasso hookers.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wear drunk well.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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