Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
