its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Randomize
