I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We're facebook friends in real life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
