So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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