You made me cry and you don't even care
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
