I wish I only lived at night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
