can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
