i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
