omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
