Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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